A place to vent!

I started off thinking I should say sorry for always appearing to be grumpy and moaning, but I've decided I make no apologies for this as it's my blog, I find it helpful, it's a place I can vent without someone else having to listen to me! So if you're choosing to read this then, you are choosing to hear me moan!! ;)

Maisy's due date would have been a week on Tues (5th Oct) very strange that she's nearly 3 and a half months already.  She is still doing well, but progress is slow, and thats hard. She is slowly spending longer off her ventilater and the hope is in a few weeks time she should be totally on CPAP, which would be great as that's one step closer to HOME!! I can't wait to be a 'proper' mum to her, I want to be able to change her nappy on my own, put her clothers on, giver her a bath take her out, just you know.. normal things! But then again at the moment what is normal about my life! What is normal!!

I have my assessment for transplant on Tuesday and I'm not sure what to think about it all? I dont know anyone personally that has had a transplant and sometimes I wish I did, nurses/docs always have answers but nothing personal, always clinical.  Everything at the moment just seems to hard, my other kidney is starting to play up and that's meant to be my 'good' one! Kidney function going down becuase its having to work so hard to make up for my useless one!

I hope Anna is working some of her fairy dust magic up there on her cloud! I really miss her, especially while I'm in this place.  I honestly don't know how she did it! She was amazing. 

On a plus point, I'm going out with my girlies tomorrow for dinner, :) role on tomorrow night.

 All for now.  Kate

Dialysis dialysis kidney function and more crap!

I make no apologies but just start this with a warning i'm grumpy, and not happy and I'm going to have a moan.  So as most of the people who know me know I do try my very best to keep smiling and plodding on, but i just cant today.

Starting with a positive...Maisy is trying her hardest and is making good progress and although im feeling grumpy today she is able to make me happy. She makes me proud every moment of every day she has put up such a fight and I'm still convinced Anna is helping, as mad as you may think, I'm certain she is!  Her sedation has been reduced enough and she has managed two lots of an hour and half off her ventilator!! :D She went onto somehting called CPAP which helps with her breathing but doesnt breath for her.  I am so so proud of her.  :)

I've had another kidney infection and although this time I didnt have to stay in hospital the whole time which is always a bonus this time round it was painful.  I'm now on dialysis for longer periods, and all in all totally fed up.  I have a lovely daughter and I should be really happy, we should both be at home we should both be with liam yet none of those things are even close to happening... I'm trying my hardest with everything yet my kidney function is basically 0! I just want to have a life that doesnt envolve entirely around a hospital!!! If im not being admitted, i'm having dialysis or appointments, and if i have one whole day im not here for me, i'm here to see Maisy.  Anna always used to say she was in prison when she was in hospital but I always laughed.. now i'm starting to agree!!

But i would like to end saying thank you to my mum and my wonderful friends for all their support and love.  You are all fantastic.  Thank u xx